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Death asked for soul submissions via Google Forms.
They all just applied for a PPP (Prophecy Postponement Program).
War plays Risk but never flips the board anymore.
Death writes poetry now. It’s all haikus about missed deadlines.
Pestilence started a plague, but then forgot to hit “send.”
The Book of Revelation has an addendum: “LOL, JK.”
The horses started a podcast: “Hooves of Hesitation.”
Famine only destroys food systems if they’re not farm-to-table.
The apocalypse is now in beta.
Death got into bonsai trimming and won’t shut up about it.
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